One Hand’s Tremblin’ Over My Heart

Love Birds

In the video below, Bruce Springsteen sings “Valentine’s Day,” the closing song on his Tunnel of Love album. The song captures an underlying fear of any relationship, the fear of loss (“What scares me is losin’ you”). It’s one of the saddest songs about someone in a happy relationship.

But sometimes thinking about the fear of loss can make you appreciate the value of what you have. Check it out.

The performance is from October 15, 2005 in Madison, Wisconsin. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Photo of love birds by Chimesfreedom. What is your favorite Valentine’s Day song? Leave your two cents in the comments.

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    Heartbreak Recovery Songs: Getting Past Anger and Suffering

    heartThere are numerous songs about being in love.  And there are almost as many songs about being hurt or angry at the end of a relationship, like No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak,” Coldplay’s “The Scientist,” Adele’s “Someone Like You,” Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me a River,” and Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know.” There are also songs about leaving a loved one, like Lynyrd Skynyrd’s classic “Free Bird” and Dolly Parton’s and Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.” But few songs focus on the personal healing process when the post-relationship hurt and anger start to drift away. There are some such songs, and artists like Willy Porter and the Cowboy Junkies have addressed the slow process of recovery after a relationship’s end.

    Heartbreak Recovery & Heartbreak

    There are a number of reasons why few songs capture this post-relationship self-discovery state.  That stage is not as exciting as love or anger, and not everyone goes through it. One may skip or block out that stage or maybe never fully reach that level of forgiveness necessary to be at peace.

    But the post-relationship self-discovery stage is a wonderful step in one’s growth.  It is just as important as other emotions because this step is about coming to terms with finding oneself as someone no longer defined by the former love/anger/hate.

    A few popular songs come close to addressing this relationship stage without fully addressing it. For example, Kelly Clarkson has made her career on relationship ending songs like “Don’t Waste Your Time.”  But her pop songs often focus on the anger.

    Similarly, some of the lyrics of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” seem to be about this stage (“Well, I’ve been afraid of changing / Because I, I built my life around you”).  But Stevie Nicks has explained the song is more about career and life directions. In “Missing You,” John Waite protests that he does not miss his love, but it is clear that the singer is still heartbroken and has a ways to go.

    A major difference between the heartbreak recovery songs and heartbreak songs is the focus of the song. The songs written about the immediate end of a relationship focus on the other person, often having “you” in their title (“Since You’ve Been Gone,” etc.). The songs about healing and recovery are more about the singer, i.e., “I” or “me.”

    “I’m Alive”

    Jackson Browne captures this healing process in “I’m Alive.” The song appeared on his 1993 break-up album of the same name that was released after the end of a relationship.

    Browne’s “I’m Alive” only covers the start of the transition from anger and hurt to the recognition of being alive (“I’m gonna have to block it out somehow to survive / ’cause those dreams are dead / And I’m alive.” It is one of my favorite Jackson Browne songs.

    “Angry Words”

    Two other songs go even deeper into end-of-relationship healing, including one by Willy Porter, a singer-songwriter from Wisconsin. Willy Porter’s “Angry Words,” from Dog-Eared Dream (1994), does an excellent job of capturing that feeling of relief where, after a relationship has ended, one wakes up one morning realizing life goes on.

    I have cursed your name a thousand times or more;
    Your photograph lies deep at the bottom of my drawer;
    But when I looked at it this morning,
    I had no angry words to say, no angry words to say.

    “Angry Words” has similarities to Gloria Gaynor’s classic “I Will Survive” and Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing.” But whereas Gaynor’s and John’s songs are about empowerment and surviving after a bad relationship, Porter’s song is about getting to that stage. Porter is not trying to prove anything to his lost love or convince himself he is fine.  He is sorting through who he is and who he is going to be.

    In “Angry Words,” the singer refers to “The coffee maker that you gave me it finally broke down.” The coffee maker reference shows time has passed while also symbolizing that the singer has reached a stage of breaking where he is building himself again: “I learned a little ’bout forgiveness, learned a little ’bout sin/ A little ’bout the soul of a man living within this skin.”

    And that is what the stage of forgiveness is all about: learning about yourself and not letting the angry words dictate who you are.

    “Sun Comes Up”

    Cowboy Junkies Caution Horses

    A song with a similar theme from the woman’s point of view is “Sun Comes Up, It’s Tuesday Morning” by the Cowboy Junkies with lead singer Margo Timmins. “Sun Comes Up” is a highlight from the band’s 1990 The Caution Horses album.

    The singer in “Sun Comes Up” is not quite at the stage as the singer in Willy Porter’s “Angry Words.” But she struggles to find peace.

    The singer in “Sun Comes Up” meets her friend Jen for lunch.  She sees that her friend has been battered by a boyfriend or husband, so she remembers there are worse things than loneliness.

    The singer then stops herself from calling her former lover.  She reminds herself, “And anyways I’d rather listen to Coltrane / Than go through all that shit again.”

    At the end, the singer is still struggling, but she realizes there are some simple benefits to being on your own, even if you miss the person you once loved.

    Yeah, sure I’ll admit there are times when I miss you,
    Especially like now when I need someone to hold me;
    But there are some things that can never be forgiven;
    And I just gotta tell you,
    That I kinda like this extra few feet in my bed.

    I love the line about the extra few feet in bed, because it is such a small thing.  But the first step toward happiness is appreciating the small things.

    After the song ends, I imagine some more time will pass, her coffee maker will break down, and she will end up with no angry words. And then, like the singer in “Angry Words,” she will not be “afraid of a new love that could be starting.”

    The Power of Music

    You know that the sophisticated and mature people in these songs will be okay, even as the songs provide insight to the listener too. On YouTube under one of the live videos of “Sun Comes Up, It’s Tuesday Morning,” someone confessed, “There were at least 5 years of my life that I would not have survived if it weren’t for this song.”

    It is amazing what music can do for us, and I wish more songwriters would explore this stage of love. But we are lucky to have so many songs covering the stages of love. For all the lovers, the broken-hearted, and the healing hearts, may you find your song.

    Check out a live version of the Cowboy Junkies’ “Sun Comes Up,” and an additional solo live version of Willy Porter’s “Angry Words” with some great guitar work. Can you think of any other songs fit this category of heartbreak recovery songs and coming to peace about lost love? Leave a comment.

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    Valentine’s Day: Steve Earle and the Fairfield Four

    There are many great love songs. But I am not sure there is a better one specifically about Valentine’s Day than Steve Earle’s song, “Valentine’s Day” from his 1996 album, I Feel Alright.

    In this live version of the song below, Earle has The Fairfield Four providing backing vocals. And I’m not sure anyone has ever made a better, or simpler, video of a song.

    The beauty of the song is how it turns the cliches around, reminding us that the things we associate with Valentine’s Day are things that really do not have much to do with love. The singer tells how he forgot about the holiday so does not have a card, flowers, diamonds or gold to give.

    Finally, the singer offers an IOU and to make it all up to the person, concluding, “Until then I hope my heart will do.”

    For a bonus, here is a video of Earle singing the song solo live.


    Happy Valentine’s Day.

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    Is Shane a Romantic Movie?

    Alan Ladd and Jean Arthur in Shane Many years ago, a newspaper published a list of the top romantic movies for Valentine’s Day, and the writer included Shane (1953) on the list.  At first, the choice surprised me.

    I had always thought of the movie as a great action Western.  But after reading the article, I focused more on the relationship between Shane, played by Alan Ladd, and Marian Starrett, played by Jean Arthur.  And I came to see that the author of the list was right.

    The Unusual Love Story in “Shane”

    The unrequited love between Shane and Marian is something we do not see in modern movies. The relationship is subtle, buried in hidden looks and unspoken feelings. They both are torn, as Marian still loves her husband Joe and Shane is Joe’s friend.

    There are many things to love about the film Shane. It has great scenery, Jack Palance as a villain, the gunfights, and the decent man trying to change his life. But the Shane-Mariann relationship makes the movie more complex than your usual action yarn.

    The Shane-Mariann relationship is so subtle that descriptions of the movie rarely mention it. I suspect that a modern movie version might feature a scene of the two having sex to make the same point made in Shane with a few words and glances.

    When Clint Eastwood made Pale Rider (1985), largely based on Shane, he avoided a similar relationship in his story altogether.  Instead he went for religious overtones, which was probably easier to do.

    Shane’s Ending

    {Spoiler ahead} The final scene of the movie is a classic scene in American film. Shane explains to Mariann’s son Joey: “There’s no living with a killing. There’s no goin’ back from one. Right or wrong, it’s a brand… a brand sticks. There’s no goin’ back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her… tell her everything’s alright. And there aren’t any more guns in the valley.”

    The wounded Shane rides off into the sunset. And Joey yells after him, pleading for him to return.

    Interpreting the scene with our modern vocabulary, Joey yells the funniest line in the movie for those have picked up on the Shane-Mariann relationship: “Mother wants you. I know she does!” Although the child doe not know exactly what is going on, he has sensed some love.

    Below is the trailer for Shane, although I do not understand why the trailer maker used the final scene of the movie in the trailer.

    Jean Arthur & Alan Ladd

    Another unusual aspect of the movie compared to modern movies is that the female lead, Jean Arthur, was more than a decade older than the male lead. Nowadays, too often producers choose older men to be romantic leads with very young women. But at the time Shane was released, Alan Ladd was 40 and Jean Arthur was 53.

    Arthur had appeared in several great classic movies, including Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, but she was reclusive and did not like the limelight. She had retired prior to the making of Shane, and she made an exception to return to make Shane, which was her final film and the only one where she appeared in color.

    When You Say Nothing at All

    If Chimesfreedom were in charge of music for Shane, we would add “When You Say Nothing at All” to the final credits. The words capture the unspoken relationship between Shane and Mariann.

    The smile on your face lets me know that you need me,
    There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me,
    The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall;
    You say it best when you say nothing at all.

    The version above by Alison Krauss and Union Station appeared on Keith Whitley: A Tribute Album (1994) and on Now That I’ve Found You: A Collection (1995). A live version appeared on Alison Krauss & Union Station – Live.

    “When You Say Nothing at All” was written by Keith Whitley, a singer-songwriter who died at the young age of 34 from alcohol poisoning. Although Whitley only released four albums during his career, he influenced future generations of singer-songwriters.  He wrote some beautiful songs like “When You Say Nothing at All.”

    And yes, contrary to the song, Shane did leave her.

     

    What other movies feature subtle romantic relationships? What about Casablanca? Leave a comment.

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