Tag: life lessons

One Secret to Happiness: Gratitude

Gratitude In the 1600s, French author François VI, Duc de La Rochefoucauld wrote, “The gratitude of most men is merely a secret desire to receive greater benefits.” (Reflections, or, Sentences and Moral Maxims 298 (1678)). While the maxim implies some type of dishonesty, La Rochefoucauld might have been surprised to learn that one’s gratitude reaps some more unexpected benefits.

In the video “The Science of Happiness – An Experiment in Gratitude,” SoulPancake presents the result of a study finding that one way to increase happiness is to show gratitude. The video explains how expressing gratitude benefits us, and then it shows a real life experiment that is both interesting and touching. Check it out. You can thank me later.

YouTube also has a behind-the-scenes look at this video as well as a sequel “The Science of Happiness – A Study of Cute Aggression.” In the meantime, like Alanis Morrisette at this 1999 performance in Rome, NY, remember to show your gratitude and say “Thank U.” It is good for you.

Alanis Morrisette reportedly wrote “Thank U” out of a personal experience after visiting India. She began looking inside herself in a different way, finding compassion for her self and gratitude toward others. Although the song touches on ideas of “terror” and “frailty,” it is ultimately a hopeful song about learning and thankfulness. And as found in the new study, a nice reminder to show gratitude as a small step toward increasing happiness.

Thanks to Carolyn for pointing me to the SoulPancake video.

Photo via public domain.

Do you think expressing gratitude makes you happier? Leave your two cents in the comments.

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    How to Tie Your Shoelaces

    shoelaces better way to tie

    Look at your shoes. Do your shoelaces come untied periodically? Are your bows straight across the top of the shoe as they should be — like the shoe on the right — or do they end up aimed down the length of your shoe — like the shoe on the left? I recently ran across a three-minute video on Netflix from TED about how to tie your shoe. Intrigued, I figured it was worth three minutes. In the short video, Terry Moore explains how you likely have been tying your shoe wrong all these years.

    While Moore explains the problem quite well, it took me several viewings to figure out how I should adapt my shoe-tying style. For me, it was a matter of looping the opposite direction around my finger instead of my thumb. If you are still not quite seeing it, here is another video that explains a little more how you might make the adjustment to tying the superior reef knot instead of that granny knot your parents taught you. [2016 Update: A previously posted video from from Runner’s World is no longer available.]

    In defense of your parents, the granny knot probably is easier for little kid fingers. But I am upset about all those years I wasted having to retie my shoes after they came undone. Now, if you tie your shoes correctly, you can use that extra time for for your favorite activities, including reading Chimesfreedom.

    How do you tie your shoes? Leave your two cents in the comments.

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    Pull Down Your Pants and Slide on the Ice

    Sidney Freedman For twelve M*A*S*H episodes from 1973 through the series finale in 1983, actor Allan Arbus created one of the great recurring character roles in television history. Arbus, who played the psychiatrist Major Sidney Freedman, passed away recently due to complications of congestive heart failure. He was 95.

    Anytime I am flipping around the TV channels and come across a M*A*S*H episode with Arbus, I stop and watch it because I know it is something special. Arbus’ portrayal of Major Sidney Theodore Freedman provided part of the heart and soul of the series. The psychiatrist even allowed the long-running heart of M*A*S*H, Alan Alda as Hawkeye Pierce, to digress into troubled waters while Dr. Freeman assumed the role of providing some sanity in insane circumstances.

    Arbus, whose first wife was photographer Diane Arbus, went on to other TV and movie roles. But he was so good as Dr. Freedman, that Alan Alda claimed that he had assumed that Arbus had psychiatric training. While Arbus did not have such training, he had served in the Army as a photographer. When Arbus first appeared during the second season of the series, Dr. Freedman’s first name was “Milton,” but in subsequent appearances his name was changed to Sydney, possibly in a nod to the initials of Sigmund Freud.

    Reportedly, Arbus was offered a more regular role after Gary Burghoff (Radar O’Reilly) left the series, but he preferred his occasional appearances. Yet he still managed to make a memorable impact on the show with only twelve appearances. Below is a collection of some clips of Arbus on M*A*S*H (and a summaries of his episodes are available here).

    On the final episode “Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen,” after caring for a troubled Hawkeye, Dr. Freedman exited by repeating advice he had earlier given to the members of the 4077th: “Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.” Remembering Arbus and his passing today, it is still good advice in our insane world to take a moment to enjoy the good things in life. Thank you Dr. Freedman.

    What is your favorite episode of M*A*S*H with Allan Arbus? Leave your two cents in the comments.

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    U.S. Department of Justice
    The New Yorker recently published a sad story by Jeffrey Toobin about the prosecution of Alaska Senator Ted Stevens, and how the fallout from the case affected a young Justice Department lawyer named Nicholas Marsh, who committed suicide. (Casualties of Justice, Jan. 3, 2011).

    The media is all over a story until suddenly the story disappears, and it was that way with the Sen. Stevens prosecution.  There was extensive coverage of the case against Ted Stevens, who was charged with failing to report gifts of reduced rates on renovations to a house. While the case was pending, Stevens lost reelection in 2008. Then the media coverage died down. But the Stevens case did not result in a conviction, and the Attorney General’s Office ultimately asked for all charges to be dropped against Stevens because prosecutors breached ethics by failing to disclose information indicating Stevens may not have been guilty. Stevens died in a plane crash in Alaska in 2010.

    Nicholas Marsh was one of the prosecutors in the Alaska investigation that resulted in nine successful convictions revealing corruption in the state political system. Although Marsh participated in the Stevens case, Toobin wrote that apparently Marsh had nothing to do with the unethical actions by his fellow prosecutors. But because of Marsh’s involvement in the case, officials removed Marsh from his high-esteem position and moved him to a lower-prestige department. Meanwhile, the Office of Professional Responsibility continues to investigate the conduct of the Stevens prosecutors.

    Even though Marsh may ultimately be cleared, the stress from the ongoing investigation took its toll on him. Depressed and unsuccessfully fighting his demons, in September 2010 he hanged himself in the basement of his suburban Washington, D.C. home. Married less than five years, he did not leave a note for his young wife.

    It is tragic to think of Marsh feeling his life was crashing down as his career identity was crumbling. Maybe he could have left town and started over again and eventually been happy again. But one suspects that for whatever reasons he felt like he could not get away.

    In an earlier post about life lessons, Chimesfreedom discussed Ernest Becker’s Pulitzer-Prize winning book, Denial of Death.  In the book, Becker explained that people identify with things — be it possessions, esteem, organizations, sports teams, etc. — to give meaning to their lives and to give us defense mechanisms against our fears.  Many of us identify ourselves by our jobs. And, as has happened frequently to far too many people in the last several years during the recession, if we lose a job we feel we lose our entire identity and our defense mechanism against our fears.

    Railroad Workers The story about the Stevens case reminded me of a song by folk-singer and activist Charlie King.   King is an excellent performer, full of stories and good songs about social issues.  One song, entitled “Our Life is More than Our Work,” has common-sense lyrics reminding us something we often forget when we get wrapped up in our own worlds: “You know that our life is more than our work / And our work is more than our jobs.”

    The song reminds us that we are not our jobs.  Additionally, we each have work to do during our lives that is beyond our jobs. But even that broader work is not the whole of your life.

    The New Yorker story about the Alaska prosecution also reminded me of Insomnia (2003), a movie that focuses on a criminal case in Alaska involving questionable professional ethics that haunt the lead character. Insomnia is a very good movie about a Los Angeles detective played by Al Pacino who goes to Alaska to investigate a crime. While there, he is unable to sleep from the constant daylight and from being haunted by his past choices. The movie, directed by Christopher Nolan, features excellent acting by Al Pacino, Hilary Swank, and a creepy Robin Williams. It reveals how our jobs can take us down a well-worn path where we feel we do not have control.

    Most likely, there were other factors contributing to the Nicholas Marsh tragedy besides the ethics investigation, and it is ridiculous to think that lessons from an action movie or a folk song could save a life. But music and movies can make us think about our lives and maybe change our attitudes a tiny bit. And that’s something. As Charlie King sings, “Think how our life could be, feel how our life could flow / If just for once we could let ourselves go.”

    King, Charlie – Our Life Is More Than Our Work

    {Our Life Is More Than Our Work – Charlie King}

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