YETI, a maker of coolers, created a web series about sons and fathers. In one of the episodes, entitled “Anchor Point,” Townes Van Zandt’s eldest son J.T. talks about growing up in the shadow of a destructive legend.
In the video, J.T. explains how his relationship with his father led to him finding his own passion for fly fishing. The short video is a fascinating look at how J.T. found his own path and how he reflects on his father’s legacy. He also talks about how Townes Van Zandt affects the way he is as a father himself. It’s really quite beautiful. Check it out.
“Figure out what it is that makes you happy. Work hard. Forget about the rest. Come home. And be a good man. Be a f-ing man. And go to sleep, and wake up early, and do it again.”
Other episodes in the My Old Man series are available online.
As in the excellent movie Lincoln (2012), we generally picture Abraham Lincoln full-grown as the great president. So it is easy to forget that he grew up as a child living in the wilderness dealing with normal family issues. One of the struggles of the young Abraham’s life was that he and his father Thomas Lincoln were very different.
Michael Burlingame’s detailed two-volume biography, Abraham Lincoln: A Life (2008), noted that many contemporaries of the Lincolns reported that the father and son did not get along. The friction may have been partly created because Thomas lacked ambition and disdained the fact that his son sought to educate himself.
The young Abraham was not afraid to speak up around strangers to ask precocious questions, and his father would often whip the young boy for his assertiveness. One time, the young Abe received a beating for releasing a bear cub from one of his father’s traps.
As the young Abe grew into a man, he continued to dislike his father. When Lincoln became a lawyer in Springfield, Illinois, he never invited his father to visit him.
And, when Thomas was dying in 1851 and asked his son to visit him, the son refused, telling his step-brother to tell Thomas, “if we could meet now, it is doubtful whether it would be more painful than pleasant.” Lincoln did not attend Thomas’s funeral or put a tombstone on the grave. Two years later in 1853, though, Lincoln named his fourth son after his father. The beloved child would soon be nicknamed “Tad.” (Burlingame, pp. 10-11.)
Fathers and Sons in Song
It is speculation to wonder how Lincoln’s relationship with his father affected his later life. But the father-son struggle helps us humanize a man we know as an icon etched in stone. His father-son dynamic is not unusual, as sons strive to find their places in the world. And this struggle occasionally appears in films like Field of Dreams (1989), as well as in popular songs such as Harry Chapin‘s “Cats in the Cradle.”
One of the best father-son songs is by Cat Stevens, now known as Yusuf Islam. The beautiful “Father and Son,” which appeared on Tea for the Tillerman (1970). Yusuf Islam originally wrote the song for a play that was never completed.
The song is a conversation between father and son where the son tries to explain to his father why he is leaving. When Yusuf Islam recorded the song, he had only experienced being a son. But by the time he did the following performance, which appears to be from 2015, he was a grandfather, giving the song new meaning.
Bruce Springsteen has spoke openly about his own difficulties with his father Douglas “Dutch” Springsteen. He has captured that complicated relationship in songs such as “Adam Raised a Cain,” from Darkness on the Edge of Town (1978), “My Father’s House” from Nebraska (1982), and “Independence Day,” from The River (1980). The latter song, like “Father and Son,” is about a son leaving his father.
Springsteen’s “Independence Day” is slightly more bitter than “Father and Son.” The bitterness may come from the fact that Springsteen had a rockier relation with his father than Yusuf Islam did. But it is also a heavyhearted father-son conversation.
In the above video from 1980, Springsteen begins by telling the audience how the music he heard on the radio inspired him to seek a different life, just as Lincoln’s books inspired him. Similarly, as in Lincoln’s message to his dying father, the singer in “Independence Day” tells his father “Papa go to bed now, it’s late. / There’s nothing we can say can change anything now.”
As Springsteen learned as he got older, the sins of the father also makes the man that the son becomes. So, for this celebration of Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, remember the man’s first years with his father. One may look back on Thomas Lincoln for his faults in the way he treated our beloved Abraham Lincoln. But the father, struggling to carve out a place for his family in the wilderness, did something right because his son turned out pretty well.
Ultimately, the son Abraham, perhaps remembering Thomas’s lack of ambition or remembering his own beatings, carried his concerns for the suffering of others with him when he left on his own Independence Day and when he went to the White House. And although Abraham Lincoln had a long way to travel for his own education, maybe The Great Emancipator contained a little of the boy who saw a suffering bear cub and freed it, knowing he would face his father’s wrath but defying his father anyway.
{Photos via: me, taken around the 1990s. The statue is located at New Salem, Illinois. The farm is the place of Abraham Lincoln’s birth in Hodgenville, Kentucky.}
What is your favorite song about fathers and sons? Leave your two cents in the comments.
(2008), noted that many contemporaries of the Lincolns reported that the father and son did not get along. The friction may have been partly created because Thomas lacked ambition and disdained the fact that his son sought to educate himself.
